“Feels Like I Deepthroated The Dick of Death Himself”: Tales From The Text Box
Here are a few new gems straight from my cellular device’s inbox. To check out past Tales From The Text Box see: “I Ate an Entire Box of Kraft Dinner Because I was so Depressed You Didn’t Call” or “Vomit and Urine Right in Your Face”.
- “Btw, I fully support the oral sex wench idea.” – 5:33pm, November 30
- “I’ve been tossing out come hither looks all day but no one’s taking the bait.” – 1:05pm, December 9
- “Good morning! I’m sick as fuck. Feels like I deepthroated the dick of Death himself.” – 9:27am, December 17
- “A lady just asked me if the scarves were made out of sherpa. That’s not even an animal.” – 8:45am, December 18
- “Did I go too far? Your silence in unnerving.” – 10:33am, December 18
- “And other fab news … Christ’s album arrived today. The perfect gift for friends or family!” – 12:43pm, December 21
- “We r at church.” – 1:05pm, December 29
- “GP!!! And that does not stand for giant poop.” – 1:04pm, December 30
- “DC. And I do not mean dilation and cuterage. Rest assured, no one has had an abortion today.” – 3:07pm, December 30
- “My thread count and sperm count are very high.” – 8:08pm, January 6
- “Hmmm … A cute pair of fishnets frozen in the driveway noted after your departure.” – 11:59am, January 8
- “Take it slow? Maybe she should take it up the ass and shut the fuck up.” – 9:30pm, January 17
- “Good news is my pants are still on. And now we’re drinking caesars.” – 1:02pm, January 21
